You were wrong

The crusade has been in motion for years. Blown out speakers and loud tires on the highway. No map, no compass. Every minute is stressed to the breaking point with super-conscious anxiety. You have been trying to find the ultimate reality. You threw a hateful ultimatum at the gods and demanded an answer.

In search of the ultimate reality you wore yourself out on weird trips, misguided efforts. slept in graveyards, chased sunsets over distant hills, etc. You dragged the muck up out of the unconscious depth and then you gasped with horror and vomited when you looked at it. You did strange things even you can’t explain. You did morally questionable things. You told me you would take this as far as possible, as far as the human mind can grasp. But there was one danger you refused to consider: that your entire quest was completely and totally misguided.

So you suffered appropriately and for a long time.

But tonight something is going change. Tonight you will walk into a bedroom and find her there, having fallen asleep with her clothes on. You will pause for a moment and appreciate the scene. Standing there in the middle of the room in total silence, it will become very clear that she is the meaning. The meaning was not to be found in sacred or philosophical texts, not in temples or in an ambitious future, or in a dramatic confrontation with the void. It will be there with you in her room tonight. And it will seem impossibly simple.

In the morning you will begin to suspect that the meaning of existence is not a thing to be intellectually discovered, or sought out at all. It is not to be forced out from behind the curtain at gunpoint. Instead, you find that it was with you all along, inherent to the experience of being alive. It was sitting quietly with you while you were racking you brains for the answers to these riddles.

The meaning of existence cannot be forced out of hiding. But in time it will gently reveal itself to you.